As we work through the Us Factor Program, I thought it would be useful to write a little review of the Workbook, so you know what that particular piece of the program is like.
The workbook is 232 pages, and it contains recaps or summaries of every one of the DVD sessions. It shows pictures of the different couples that are featured in the session, and it has a transcript of the dialogue between them. In addition, it also summarizes Dr. Melnick’s advice on the particular subject.
The one thing that the workbook has that the DVD’s don’t have is what he calls “Awareness Exercises”. At the end of most sections is a little exercise for the couple to do so they can internalize the lesson.
For example, there is a section called “Top Dog – Underdog” that concerns two roles that partners take in a relationship. One partner takes on the role of the organizer, the planner, the one who makes things happen. This is the “top dog”, the responsible one who focuses on shoulds and should nots, the rule maker. The other partner is the Underdog – the one who doesn’t follow the rules and wants quick fun and satisfaction.
The lesson in the workbook describes this kind of behavior, it shows a transcript of a couple acting this out, and has an awareness exercise. In the exercise, the couple sits across from each other, and they have a conversation in which one becomes the “top dog” and the other becomes the “underdog”. The top dog talks about the “shoulds” and “should nots” and stays primarily focused on the future. The underdog talks about the “I wants” and the “let’s do’s” and focuses mainly on the present. Once you’ve had the conversation for a little while, you talk about how it feels to be in that role.
Then, you reverse the roles and have a conversation in the opposite role, and after that discuss what it was like to reverse the roles.
I really like this part of the workbook, because it gives you a chance to “role play” and see how the other person feels.
It almost seems to me that you could just go through the workbook and not have to watch the DVD’s except for one very important thing: it’s good to see the couples interact in person, as it helps you to relate to what’s going on. Plus, Dr. Melnick goes into more detail in the DVD lesson. Therefore, I think it’s important while going through The Us Factor to follow his instructions, that is to watch the DVD, then go through that section of the workbook that pertains to the DVD, doing the awareness exercises as you encounter them.
About the author: By Matt HellstromMatt is the parent (along with his wife Julie) to five wonderful kids. He has been self-employed for 25+ years and is the owner of the How To Fix My Marriage website.
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