- One of the things that Dr. Melnick talks about in the Us Factor is staying on your own side of the line, or as our counselor says, staying on your own side of the street. Here’s an example of what this means, taken from our life just this morning!
One thing Matt and I have learned is how to stay off each other’s side of the street. Let me explain.
This morning I was going to go for a walk and was deciding if I should take my cell phone, our constantly ringing business line. I asked my honey when he was going to shower because if he wasn’t going to until I came back, he could answer the phone, otherwise it was coming with me. He said “right away” and I said “ok I will take my phone”. Then (pay attention here) he said “well I can wait until you get back and answer your phone.”
Now that all sounds like he’s being kind, right? Wrong. I didn’t ask him to make my decision, I just needed facts so I could make it. If I decided I really didn’t want to take my phone, I would have then asked him (hopefully as I struggle with being passive/aggressive!!!) if he would mind waiting. His telling me to go was being on my side of the street and I felt like I was being parented.
Thankfully, we backed up, laughed and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind waiting. And he graciously agreed. He also could have asked me if I wanted him to wait, still my decision. We’re all adults here!
About the author: By Matt HellstromMatt is the parent (along with his wife Julie) to five wonderful kids. He has been self-employed for 25+ years and is the owner of the How To Fix My Marriage website.
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