Another rousing argument and I know I blew it. Here we go again! I so want to say sorry but when (or maybe I should say IF) I do, it never quite feels right. In fact, normally it feels awkward. Do you ever feel like this – wanting to apologize but not sure what it looks like in the moment or what it looks like after? Saying sorry to your spouse is vital to a healthy marriage.
Apologies can either prolong the disagreement or move forward in a loving manner. Here is a wonderful article with useful information on making that “sorry” count!
Saying Sorry To Your Spouse
Asking for forgiveness is a lifestyle choice because a sincere apology carries with it the motivation to turn from the former way which caused the distress and go in another direction. The trust in your marriage grows when you demonstrate change in your actions and behaviors. Here’s how you can communicate a successful apology:
The following ideas are going to take a while to get down, but trust me every marriage gives you plenty of opportunities to practice! And also the more you get this down, your communication increases and the fights lessen. Viola – less need for apologies!
Don’t get defensive. Don’t underplay your spouse’s feelings and try to wiggle out of the conflict. Just because what you said wouldn’t hurt you, those memories and emotions are very real and deserve your compassion.
Take ownership of your words. Include in your apology the words, “I am sorry that my (behavior/comment/tone of voice, etc.) hurt you. Period. Do not add the “but” disclaimer as it cancels out the apology. Communicate your understanding of what caused the distress and admit you are remorseful.
Ask for forgiveness. It’s hard to ask for forgiveness when you believe you have not done anything wrong, but that approach communicates a lack of respect for your loved one’s feelings. It’s just not your emotional hot button we’re dealing with. Marriages have a way of balancing out when you practice love and compassion over the need to win every battle. Full article here.
Our counselor has said “I wish for you 10,000 fights“. Crazy, huh? His reasoning is for us to learn to better communicate and starting with saying sorry to your spouse is a great beginning to good communication.
We have a lot more to say about communicating well with your spouse. If you have trouble apologizing, and would like to learn how saying sorry to your spouse can help you get to a better relationship, please leave a comment below.We will contact you with additional articles.