Marriage: I Just Want to Be Happy

Marriage: I Just Want to Be HappyMost people just want to be happy. And most people believe marriage will be the vehicle to that happiness. So what happens when it does not happen that way. I mean if the quote below by Benjamin Franklin isn’t right, what is?

Marriage is the most natural state of man, and the state in which you will find solid happiness. – Benjamin Franklin— Orire Bamaiyi Abdul (@alphamajeed) September 5,  2012

The problem with this quote is it doesn’t explain itself well. You see we mostly believe that others will make us happy and that is where the problems start. Look at the inspirational article below.

 Marriage: I Just Want to Be Happy

Life is choice.

It’s a foundational belief.

You don’t like something going on in life, work to change it.

But I just want to be happy.

Another pitfall that comes up is when people say “they just want to be happy.”

You hear it all the time.

Ask a random co-worker or family member what they want out of life and you’re likely to hear this response.

The problem:

seeking happiness is too vague and too relative.

Seeking a life filled with happiness is largely impossible. It’s chasing the wind.

First, nowhere in life are we promised happiness. The Declaration of Independence (for American readers) only allows for the pursuit of it. And another source many people around world follow, the Bible, never talks about happiness in this manner. In fact, the Bible says God is more concerned about your character than your happiness (Ecclesiastes 7). Read full article from Simple Marriage.

You know that is a huge eye-opener, right?! Click the Like button below if you were blown away. We are responsible for our happiness, we are! And the information that we need to along with this revelation is that it can be hard, selfless work. WebMD does a great job of detailing the road to this happiness.

Long-lasting, happy marriages have more than great communication, Boon says. “Dr. Gottman brings up something no one ever talks about — that irreconcilable differences are normal, that you just have to come to terms with them, not try to resolve the unresolvable. On some level, that should have been obvious, but it hasn’t been,” she tells WebMD.

Most marriage therapists focus on “active listening,” which involves paraphrasing, validating, affirming your spouse’s feedback, says Boon. “That’s all well and good and may help you get through some conflicts in a less destructive way. But, as Dr. Gottman puts it, ‘you’re asking people to do Olympic-style gymnastics when they can hardly crawl.’ Many people will fail at those techniques. Research indicates that most people are dissatisfied with the outcome of marital therapy, that the problems come back.”

In happy marriages, Boon points out, couples don’t do any of that!

Instead, you must be nice to your partner, research shows. Make small gestures, but make them often. “The little things matter,” says Boon. “What a happy marriage is based on is deep friendship, knowing each other well, having mutual respect, knowing when it makes sense to try to work out an issue, when it is not solvable. Many kinds of issues simply aren’t solvable.” Read more about No Nit-Picking.

I am a “need a checklist” type of person. This video gives you some great tips on how you can be happy.

Do you get it yet?! In marriage, if you just want to be happy, it is up to you. And here is the best part, if you are working on your happiness chances are pretty good that your mate and marriage also will improve.

About the author: By

Julie and Matt have been married for 23+ years and have the belly laughs and wrinkles to prove it! They are also awesome parents to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the How To Fix My Marriage website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are a married couple that has had their share of challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this site have worked for us on our journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.