Living with a Spouse with a Disability

There are lots of things that come to mind when we hear someone say they are living with a spouse with a disability. The doctors, the medications, adapting your home to accommodate the disability. And while these are definitely relevant, the one area that is not spoken of as often is the emotional side of the marriage. Who better to state their feelings on this than the actual spouse.

Living with a Spouse with a Disability

Living with a Spouse with a DisabilityWhat I want you to know about having a spouse with a chronic health challenge or disability is that it is lonely, and it is all consuming.

It’s really so many of the little things that are taken away much more than the obvious ones. At times it feels almost like I’ve lost him, but he’s still here- because it has changed him tremendously. I have my faith that tells me God will work all things for good, and I believe that, but hanging on until the good is the challenge.

I miss my husband looking in my eyes and really seeing me. I miss small non-verbal cues from across a room. I cringe every time I hold something up to show him or point something out and realize I’m asking him to see what he can’t. I’m sad that I never hear him laugh anymore, and that his calm gentle spirit has been replaced by a troubled, agitated one. I grieve when he is in pain I can feel but am helpless to take away. I anguish each time I see him push himself out the door to work because he wants to continue to serve God and us, but all his body wants to do is close his eyes and sleep. I get angry that he is once again lying down and I am exhausted from single parenting. Again. Then I get angry at myself because it’s not his fault or choice. People will say to go do something nice for myself, take care of myself and I’ll feel better, but nothing can replace what I am missing but a God who comforts and heals. Find the rest of the article here.

When we say I do and say in sickness and health, we normally don’t realize the full extent of this promise, or that it could include living with a spouse with a disability. Certainly, we pray we might never know it either. If we or someone we know does, remember that loneliness is a big emotion that is now in the fabric of this relationship.

You can support this couple in many ways. Listening, not judging, reassuring that their feelings are legitimate. You can take their kids for ice cream or the dog for grooming. Offer to drive to an appointment or make a romantic dinner. Support them with your prayers, a funny card, a caring card, a cup of coffee. Whatever you do, do not leave this lonely family alone.

Please offer your suggestions for coming alongside a family who is living with a spouse with a disability by commenting below.


About the author: By

Julie and Matt have been married for 23+ years and have the belly laughs and wrinkles to prove it! They are also awesome parents to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the How To Fix My Marriage website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are a married couple that has had their share of challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this site have worked for us on our journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.