Don’t Share Your Problems with Others

Don't Share Your Problems with Others“I just can’t believe he could be so thoughtless, again! I must call mother!” Stop!! Don’t share your problems with others!

We’ve all been there right! In the middle of a marital problem and just want to vent. Pick up the phone, call, text, whatever means possible. However, this will not help the problem. More likely, it will make it worse because now you have 2 problems, the original problem and the gossip.

That is right, I called it gossip. If you are talking to someone else other than the person you have an issue with, that is the true definition of gossip. Sometimes, we call it prayer requests or getting wise counsel. But if it quacks like a duck….

Don’t Share Your Problems with Others

The man who gossiped was so saddened by everything that had happened as a result of his gossip that he went and apologized to the man and asked, “Is there anything I can do to fix this?”

The man replied, “Do you have any feather pillows?”

The gossiper said, “Of course.”
The man said, “Bring one to me.”

So the gossiper brought this man a feather pillow and this man tore it open and let the wind take all of the feathers.

They stood there staring as the wind took the feathers left, right, up down…it was a twirling mass of white fluff!

The man said to the gossiper, “You want to fix this? Go and bring back every last feather and put it back in the pillow.”

The gossiper was stunned. “But that’s impossible! There is no way I can every retrieve every one of these feathers. Some have traveled to places I can’t even see!”

The man said, “Exactly. And that’s how it is with what you’ve said about me. You have no idea how far your story has traveled, who’s ears have heard it, who’s chosen to believe it or how it may have colored what they see in me or the world around them because of it.” See full story.

As you can see, you can’t take the words back. And you have caused harm both to your spouse, your marriage, and quite likely your credibility.



I read somewhere ‘Don’t facebook your problems, face them!’. This is the best advice. Start by thinking your problem through. What was your part (we all have a part) and what was theirs. Then go and talk to them. Don’t share your problems with others first. This will go a long ways in building trust and resolving the problem.

About the author: By

Julie and Matt have been married for 23+ years and have the belly laughs and wrinkles to prove it! They are also awesome parents to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the How To Fix My Marriage website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are a married couple that has had their share of challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this site have worked for us on our journey.

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