Abuse in a Marriage

I have a hidden secret. Few people know and even fewer know the details. There was physical and mental abuse in my first marriage. No one politely visits over tea the sorted information of abuse in a marriage. The shame and confusion alone kept my mouth shut. Not to mention the horrendous words spoken to me that still can echo inside my head.  It was a short, volatile marriage that also introduced hard core drugs and alcohol abuse into my life. When I saw the article below, I knew it was time to write about it.

Abuse in a marriageAbuse just isn’t always what it is in movies. It doesn’t always happen non-stop. It can start very gradually and be very sporadic. He could go a year without an incident and then…then they would start again. Something I did would set him off and once again the beast would raise its ugly head. Sometimes he would only yell. Sometimes he would get in my face. Name calling was a must. If he was going to lay his hands on me, his method of choice was usually choking. One time he choked me until I passed out and he thought he killed me. He was more scared than I was…and he didn’t touch me for a long while after that. Please read the complete story.

Sharing this information is vital. If one person reads this and knows that they do not have to take it, it is not OK, it will be worth it.

I made my share of mistakes in this relationship. None, and I mean NONE, were worth abuse. No one deserves to be abused. There is help to get out and healing available. Here is what woman started after she left her marriage.

For domestic violence and rape victim Jessica Yaffa, the adage that God uses pain for good is very much a reality. HEALING, the ministry support group that she leads, has touched the lives of more than 4,000 women, men and children in less than five years.

Yaffa, who was abused by an ex-husband who is now serving a 29-year prison sentence for multiple charges stemming from the violence, started HEALING (Honoring, Empowering, and Loving Individuals Needing Guidance) at Rock Church in San Diego shortly after becoming a Christian. Full article.

Once I got out, it took me a while to realize I needed help. This started happening when I met others who had walked this painful walk. Like  –


The end of the story? I remarried a wonderful man, got clean, and started working on my emotional health. This year, we will celebrate 24 years of  a “no abuse in a marriage” marriage! Please don’t be afraid to comment or share (by clicking below) if you know someone who you even think may need this information. Please.


About the author: By

Julie and Matt have been married for 23+ years and have the belly laughs and wrinkles to prove it! They are also awesome parents to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the How To Fix My Marriage website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are a married couple that has had their share of challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this site have worked for us on our journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.