I’ve recently been attending an adult Sunday School class at our church where we’ve been working our way through the Love and Respect DVD series by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. This DVD series has been a real eye-opener to both me and my wife, and it’s really helped us to identify some problems in our marriage and start to correct them.
The premise of the Love and Respect DVD (and of the Love and Respect Book for that matter) is that women need love and men need respect, mainly. This is not to say that women don’t need respect, and men don’t need love, it’s just that the way women and men are wired, these are their primary needs to feel fulfilled in their marriage.
The Love and Respect DVD starts out by talking about what Emerson Eggerichs calls “The Crazy Cycle”. The way this works is that without love the wife reacts without respect, and without respect the husband reacts without love, and without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love, and on and on and on. It’s a cycle we get into as couples and it can be very, very destructive to a marriage.
Dr. Eggerichs goes on to talk about out to change “The Crazy Cycle” to “The Energizing Cycle”, which says the husband’s love motivates the wife’s respect, which motivates the husband’s love, which motivates the wife’s respect, and on and on and on. This is the cycle we want to get on in our marriage, and he gives us the tools to do that. It’s not really that hard.
Dr. Eggerichs also talks about how men and women see, say, and hear things differently. He says women see through pink sunglasses, hear through pink hearing aids, and speak through pink megaphones. Men see through blue sunglasses, hear through blue hearing aids, and speak through blue megaphones. He also says this is not bad, it’s how God created men and women. He says the way each of us think is not wrong, just different.
I find the Love and Respect DVD to be extremely insightful and accurate. Many marriage tools are more general and don’t offer that much help. Dr. Eggerichs is hilarious in his way of presenting the material and he really drives the point home well. My opinion is the DVD series and/or book are essential resources for all couples. Click here to read the product information, and don’t forget to read the reviews you’ll find there. It would also make a great wedding present. In fact, there is nothing better that you can give a couple just starting out.
Filed under Books and Resources, Love and Respect, Marriage, Marriage Tips 
I’ve been married twice. The first time I was married, I never had a fight with my spouse. Never. Our marriage ended up in divorce after 5 years, with infidelity, alcohol, and drugs contributing to the problem. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t have happened if we had fought often, but one thing I know for sure – it’s not only healthy, but necessary to have fights with your spouse.
I’m not saying physical fights – that’s never appropriate, obviously. What I am saying is that a good argument at least once a week is necessary to the sustained growth and closeness of a marriage.
That doesn’t make sense, you say? Well, not only did I hear this from a marriage program I’ve recently been watching, but I also heard it from a counselor we’ve seen over the years. In fact, he says he would like to see us have 10,000 more fights!
What??? 10,000 fights??? I couldn’t believe it when he told us that! This was right after a two or three day argument my wife and I had been having, and at that point I felt like I’d been dragged through a knothole. And here was this smart-aleck counselor telling me he thought we should go through this 10,000 more times. Great.
Well, I’m starting to see what he means, I think. Every time we have a fight, we come out of the other side of it a little closer, and know each other a little better. At least that’s if we resolve the conflict, and don’t just sweep it under the carpet.
If you go through your whole marriage without any fights, you will certainly not have the depth of relationship that God desires for you and your spouse. It hurts at the time, and can be extremely messy, but in my opinion it is one of the most worthwhile things that can happen in a marriage.
So next time you have a fight with your spouse, remember that it’s helping you to have a better marriage, and it might not hurt quite as bad.
Do you fight with your spouse all the time?
Learn how to resolve those conflicts in a healthy way.
Click here for more ideas on how to make your marriage the best it can be!
Filed under Marriage, Marriage Tips
