me and my wife have been fighting ever since i joined the military. She asked for a divorce and i did the stupid thing amd made a dating profile. i just want my wife. i told her it was dumb of me but its still causing problems. what should i do?

Michael. I am a woman going through a rough time as well as you. I hope you just take it as my opinion and not a judgement. So this is how women work. Well me anyway. The creating a profile on a dating service just shows that maybe you want something else. In a womans eyes that what it means. If you want your wife to forgive you and forget about it then you’re wasting your time. Women sometime forgive but they never forget. The thing you do is prove to her that she is the only one you want and show her the love she needs to feel. Take the time to give her roses. Help her any way you can. Fix her breakfast in bed. Just little things can add up to a whole lot and maybe win her heart back. Leave little love notes laying around the house and let her know how much you love her. Let her know how much you want her. But dont be the same person you use to be. Some women want change and it seems to me that its just exactly what shes wanting. She probably dont want anyone else. She probably just wants you to change your ways. I hope you take my advice and have a happy marriage with your wife.

Thanks for the great post. Very difficult to spend your life with someone. I’ve struggled with it for years with my wife. I stumbled upon this blog like I did yours. Thought their insight may be useful: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2009/11/09/thems-fightin-words/

Thanks for the post! I’d love to see more like it.

My husband and I have been married for three years but have been together for seven. We never got in fights. There use to be so much love between us. It slowly diminished when our daughter was born and has gotten worse since we moved to the UK. We are military and it is every day a fight. I dread everyday. I dont look forward to him coming home anymore. I just wish for other things. Please help!!

My Husband and I have been Married for 10 years and together for 17. He is my best friend in the world. In the last 6 years I have had 5 knee surgery and one knee replacement all before I was 36 years old. During all of this my husband and I both gained a lot of weight he had gotten to over 525 pounds I had was up to 420 so we both decided to have lap band surgery on the same day. Well April 23 will be three years from our weight loss surgery, he is down to 235 pounds and I’m down to 295, It’s harder for me as I still cant walk right.

In January he went on a trip to the Dominican Republic, He told me it was a fishing trip with a bunch of guys from work, needless to say it was a lie. Because I come to find out that he went to one of these Adult satisfaction resorts that has prostututes or what ever you want to call them. So I confronted him the day after valentines day and he tells me he loves me and I’m his best friend but isnt sure if he is still in love with me. So he asked If I could give him some time and space. He asked that we not tell anyone which is hard because I feel Family should know. As I found out that he is talking to this other chic. He tells me the reason for this is that he was big his whole life and never had anyone look at him or pay him any mind. I was the only girl that ever did and he wants to see what its like.

I wish he would realize I am the one that was there for him at ground zero and the 9 month of clean up after, and when he had double pneumonia and almost didn’t make it, I was the one that was there with him when him mom and grandfather got cancer.

I am so confused I have no Idea what to do or where to go. This is eating me from the in side out.

I am even sleeping in a separate room on a futon and I’m partialy disabled. He told me he would never cheat on me and he is doing exactly what he told me he would never do.

How can I fix this I want to save My marrige I am still in love with my husband as the day I married him.

Thank you for your help

I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and marriage counselling problems and I just thought after ripped off the previous year of almost about $580, I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted them..Atfirst everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters and scammers ripping people off their money..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing…I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did me…I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back*their address is;garushiraad@gmail.com

I’m sure you’re inundated with e-mails like this every day but I have no idea who else to ask because I never thought I’d be in this situation.
I live with my wife of 10 years and two children. Since 2007, I’ve lost a job, had another reduce salary 30%, moved to another state, sold a house in a short-sale, had my wife fracture her spine, and we’re living on about 60% of what I used to make with all the same old bills, along with all of the other challenges of life with a family. Huge stress.

Through all of this my wife and I have definitly drifted apart – built our own little silos and hunkered down for all of the storms we’ve faced. My wife has been especially unhappy and it has increased in the last few months. I guess I had decided to try and live life and enjoy it in spite of our cricumstances and I’ve really invested myself in our kids.

I took them on a weekend trip out of town to visit some friends and when I returned my wife told me she loved me but wasn’t in love with me – she’d “opened a can of worms” regarding her sexuality (we haven’t had sex since Dec 2009) that she couldn’t close again, and was seriously thinking about leaving.

That was a couple of weeks ago – since then I know for a fact that she’s been spending some time with another man – we’ve talked about it – it’s a “professional” relationship and she insists it’s work related and that they’ve just become friends. I’m pretty convinced it’s something more but I don’t have any hard evidence – she denies it’s sexual. How do I confront her? I think she’ll just continue to deny it – she clearly isn’t willing to give it up yet (he’s married too so I don’t think there’s a long term possibility however her mother had an affair that lasted several years when my wife was in high school).

I feel like because of our financial situation she knows she can’t leave plus she really loves our kids and doesn’t want them hurt. She says she’s conflicted and torn and doesn’t know what to do.

I guess more importantly for me I don’t know what to do. Even if she has had a sexual affair I believe I can forgive her – I’m not angry or hateful toward her just very, very sad. I know I haven’t been the perfect husband – I have faults and failings but I am willing to work on them and our marriage but I don’t have the foggiest idea of the first step.

Marriage can be wonderful and yet complicated at times. It’s one of the best partnerships that can ever be formed and one that can easily be broken by one act of unfaithfulness or betrayal of trust. I feel for anyone struggling in their marriage just to stay afloat. This should help! Best of luck to all married and future married couples.

Cindy

My husband and I have been married a little over 3 years and together for 6 years. We have always had the best relationship, but he is in the military and it is starting to hurt us. We have no children and I work as well so we don’t have bills to fight about, but he has been gone almost our whole marriage and he met someone a few months ago on base (woman in french military) and they both have someone at home, but are spending a lot of time together. He now wants to not talk to me online and says I smother him. I won’t apoligize for wanting to speak to my husband online everyday for just an hour, but he doesn’t get that. I know he is lonely, but so am I. He will be home in June and I just don’t know what is going to happen. I want him forever and I have told him that, but he keeps saying that he needs space! We have 23 hours a day between us and thousands of miles…is that not enough space?? I just wanted to see if anyone out there has been through this and can give me some advice? I just feel lost all day and I am scared to tell him how I feel or to push him, but I just wish he would understand that this is not easy for me, I have to deal with his deployment and what I consider his emotional cheating. I’m just lost!

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for almost 5. We have a wonderful boy and another on the way. For a long time, I have been considering (off and on) couples therapy to help us improve the way we communicate and to help us work through some of our deeper issues that keep things from resolution. I don’t think he even realizes we have problems communicating or deeper issues. In his mind bubble, he thinks we are great and my inability to communicate well with him probably doesn’t help that. I brought up couples therapy to him a year ago; but, he shot it down since he really doesn’t think we need it.

I have been married to my husband for a little over a year and a half. We separated about 3 weeks after we got married and after the birth of our son, we decided to try to work things out. We have been back together for almost 9 months. We just bought a house and found out we are having another baby. I get frustrated with the comments he makes and feel like he has no respect for me or women. I love him with all my heart, but am at the edge of taking our son and leaving. I have had it with the fighting and arguing and do not want to raise our son around it. I need to know what I can do to make him understand that my feeling matter just as much as his feelings. He thinks that its all me and I think its all him. I know its both of us, but I dont know how to change it to make us happy again… We have been to a counselor and that only made things worst. Im out of options and ideas. I do not want to go through a divorce, he is my husband, best friend, and father of our children. I want to work it out but dont know how.

ME & MY HUSBAND BEEN TOGETHER SINCE JULY BEEN MARRIED SINCE OCTOBER. I JUS DON’T KNO WAT TO DO ANYMORE. HE SAY HE LOVE ME AND CANT SEE HISSELF WITHOUT ME. IF THAT’S HOW HE REALLY FEELS WAT IS THE NEED FOR FEMALE FRIENDS. I KNO HE CHEATED SINCE WE BEEN MARRIED. BUT HE WON’T TELL THE TRUTH.. I’VE BEEN THE BEST WIFE A MAN COULD ASK FOR. BUT I GET TREATED WRONG IN THE END. I’VE NEVER CHEATED ALWAYS BEEN FAITHFUL. I WANT MY MARRIAGE BUT HOW DO I GAIN THE TRUST BACK…PLEASE HELP!!!

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, we met, dated and got married in a total of 4 months. We were happy with life, hated our jobs but still mananged to have fun and work past all those annoying things we didn’t know about each other.
About 2 years ago we left what we knew and moved, started completly over. At first it was exciting and fresh, now it has become i’m not sure what word to use.
We have tried for 4 years to have a child, we have had 4 miscarrages and lost a fifth when an adotption fell through. Now we still talk…but somethings different and I can’t put my finger on it…. I get so upset with him because he doesn’t help around the house but I guess what man really does, but I can’t let him get away with that, so I stay silent and he knows I’m mad. but at what point does it change, how many times do I need to get upset because I’m giving 80% and he is only giving 20% in most aspects of our marrage and life. I don’t want to say I love you but i’m not in love with you because i’m not sure thats how I feel. We both seem to just be in a bad mood all the time. What could we do to change? Is it me?

http://touredtoured.co.cc/7-ways-to-fix-your-marriage/

No matter what anyone tells you – no marriage is perfect. Just ask Alisa Bowman. She was so miserable at one point – she even planned her husband’s funeral over and over again in her mind. But instead of giving up on her relationship, she decided to brave the storm, and embark on a four-month journey to save her marriag

My husband and I are a blended family. We have been married for three years. He explodes with little provocation and assumes he knows what I am thinking all the time. He never wants to have sex. I always initiate. I think he only married me for help with the kids. I think he is having an affair or is homosexual. I am so tired of trying to figure him and this mess out. I do not want a divorce but I feel like I am losing myself. He makes me look like a witch in front of our kids when I ask for help with something. I clean and do yard work and work a full time job by myself. He gets to play superdad and coach and be on committees because he has time to do that stuff. WHAT DO I DO? I am miserable!

My relationship with my husband began 18 years ago and we have been married for 13 years. In the beginning I was afraid to leave, in fear that he would hurt me or my family. At that time I was recently divorce with 2 children, I was 26. at 28 I was diagnosed with a serious mental illness. I believed he was responsible, that he gaslighted me. In counseling I was faced with a decision either leave regardless of the fear or stay and believe in the relationship, I chose to believe. Fast forward to 99′ we were married and moved to the Northwest to be closer to my boys who had moved with their father 1 year earlier, at this time my husband and I now had a child together. Again, in counseling my therapist met with my husband and told me she believed him to be genuine and that I should be thankful that he had stayed with me all these years and that most would not have considering my mental illness. Fast forward, ’05, my husband stopped responding to me, that is when the physical intimacy stopped. He had a emotional/intellectual relationship with a woman at work. I cared for his mother in the last 3 years of her life and I learned to live without the physical intimacy that couples should share. Emotionally I felt abandoned also, I cried many nights and when I was upset or sad he never consoled me other than to say ” I hope you feel better”, I needed him to give me a hug or something, anything. But I stayed happy because he made the effort to call me each day at lunch and sometimes leave me a note to say have a good day. I do not doubt his love for me, but since his mother passed he no longer is sweet to me. His calls and repetitive “I love you” it all feels rote and empty. Do I sound like an in-grate? I appreciate all his hard work and devotion regardless of how dis-genuine the words feel. Over the last few years he does not support my goals or encourage me in anything. I was working out and lost almost 50lbs, I was dedicated to that but when my efforts waned, it did not matter to him, no help no support. The last few months he does not respond to me intellectually, ignores me…I mean really we only share space. How can I continue to be in a marriage without anything but words, a loop….I love you, all the time, never forget. This does not feel like love. I do not know what to do, I love him in every way, he could still make me feel, feel anything if he just would see me, interaction of any sort would help. Thoughts? Am I wrong or ungrateful. Help, I really need your feedback.

@Rose:
Rose,
I can relate to the emotionally unfaithful way that having a relationship with another woman is technically “not cheating” but it is. It is abandonment. I am sorry that you feel lost everyday. I realized that this post if from 6 moths ago and this all may be resolved but I guess it helps me also to read your post and respond. I just so strongly relate to what you have posted, also about being afraid to say how you feel for fear of pushing him away.
I hope that you are better, and your life is happier now.
Sincerely
Roserose73

@Danielle: I am kind of in a similar situation, I am away from all of my family and friends I have made a few friends where I am but none that I can really confide in about things. I feel very alone and at work I feel I put up a front of the life I wish I had. I feel as if I am on egg shells just for thing to go smoothly everyday. This is not the life I wanted for us. sorry, guess I didn’t really give advice but you are not alone.